If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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