He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
