I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
