The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
