We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
