just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
