Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
