dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please come you make the beer taste better
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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