3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
even my farts smell like vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
