i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
