The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
porn star boner night. come get it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
