maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
