Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
