Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
where are my eyebrows?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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