did you get engaged???
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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