I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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