When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
