I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
