I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
