absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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