he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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