your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
two words: eviction party
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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