Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
