Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
