i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
