Porn is love you can see.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
