You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
