two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
