I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We have started to decorate penises.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
