Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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