Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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