If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
