i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
