im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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