I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
