At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
