I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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