i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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