I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
