also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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