You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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