When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
