I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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