Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
