Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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