am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
