My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
