Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
