I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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