apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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