It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
