I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
