please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
