dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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