hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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